I Have Met the Enemy, and He is Me

A few years ago, a Facebook post stirred my thoughts for several days. It wasn't the post itself, but rather the underlying theme that resonated with me. The post reignited the ongoing debate surrounding the "Fit Mom" phenomenon, a topic that garnered considerable attention over a few months. While I won't delve into the specifics of this debate - as it's been overly discussed - I've observed an unfortunate evolution from what began as a motivational dialogue to what now resembles a divisive exchange of derogatory comments between different body types, reminiscent of the polarizing nature of political discourse.

The core issue here transcends the superficial argument. It's about self-reflection and understanding our biases. On our podcast, my co-host Andrew and I have often explored this theme. Despite being overweight myself, I've noticed that my attitudes towards others with similar body types aren't always empathetic. It's a perplexing realization that even I, who should presumably understand their struggles, sometimes view them with the same critical eye often associated with those who are thinner.

A particular aspect of the Facebook discussion that troubled me was the judgment of a "Curvy Girl" based solely on her appearance. Comments like “if she only tried harder she’d be happier” are baseless assumptions. Physical appearance does not always accurately reflect a person's lifestyle or efforts. There are individuals who may look fit but don't necessarily lead a healthy lifestyle, and vice versa. This undermines the oversimplified notion, often perpetuated by fitness gurus, that a healthy diet and regular exercise guarantee a certain body type.

In my own experience as a triathlete, I've learned that appearances can be misleading. I recall a race where an opponent, whom I had presumed I would outperform due to his larger physique, surpassed me effortlessly. This was a humbling reminder that fitness and ability are not solely dictated by body size.

The televised debate between the "Fit Mom" and "Curvy Girl" epitomizes this issue. It's wrong to assume that someone's efforts or lifestyle can be gauged based on their body type. This kind of judgment is not only superficial but also inaccurate. For instance, comparing myself to a fitness expert like Ben Greenfield based on appearance alone would be misleading. My weight does not reflect my level of effort or commitment to fitness.

This brings me to a personal introspection: why do I, despite sharing similar struggles, initially view others in the same situation negatively? This is a reflection of my own journey and the changes I've undergone. I've come to realize that my initial attempt to motivate others was, in fact, a form of self-directed fat shaming. However, my intentions have always been rooted in concern and a genuine desire to help.

The conversation around health, attractiveness, and body size is complex. One particularly vocal participant in the Facebook thread asserted that “obese individuals are neither healthy nor attractive”. While it's true that obesity can be associated with health risks, declaring that no obese person can be considered attractive is a subjective and harmful statement. Attractiveness is a matter of personal preference and should not be dictated by someone else's standards.

In conclusion, “fat shaming” is ineffective and often counterproductive. As someone who has battled with weight, I know that external judgments are not as impactful as the ones we impose on ourselves. My journey towards self-acceptance began when I personally decided to make a change, not because of others' opinions. Now, at 60, I am comfortable with who I am. My focus is on self-improvement, not on meeting others' expectations.

This experience has taught me the importance of kindness and understanding towards oneself and others. We often judge based on appearances without knowing the full story. It's crucial to recognize that everyone's journey is unique, and what works for one person might not work for another. We should strive to be more accepting and less judgmental, both of ourselves and of others.

Remember, the way we perceive and treat others reflects our own values and character. Let's choose empathy over judgment, understanding over assumptions, and kindness over criticism. Let's focus on our own journeys and support others in theirs, recognizing that true health and happiness come from within and are not solely defined by external appearances.