Chasing Shadows
While running along a local route a few years ago, I caught myself doing something subconsciously that became an analogy for what I was seeking in this endeavor and where I was going wrong. The trail followed a nice 4.2-mile circle through oak-lined streets. At one part, it veers off to the left toward a local YMCA and ballparks, which are also nicely lined with trees. The trick is that the trees are on one side of the street, and some parts are broken up, so depending on the time of day you are running, the shadows can be anywhere. What I was doing that day was locating the shadiest portions and crossing streets here and there to stay under the shade as much as possible, even though it costs you a little bit in pace to wait for cars or slowing down a bit to spend a little more time under the cool oaks. It makes for an easier run.
At least in your mind.
Runs being what they are, your mind can wander, and I always catch myself doing this. I started thinking about “chasing shadows” during this run and how we do this in many aspects of our lives. We chase shadows in our personal lives, trying to find the easiest way to live not to feel the uncomfortableness of the “sun” or the “heat.” We try to find the easiest path. We also do it in our work. We don’t go for the most challenging job, or the one we want, because we have bought into the limiting belief that money is more important than liking what you do or enjoying your job …. So, we leave positions that we love to make more money and end up hating every minute of the day.
What’s the lesson? Do we stay uncomfortable in the heat or seek the easiness of the shadows?
When I lost my job at a cancer center and spent the better part of a year unemployed, it was eye-opening for me. I left a position that I loved, with people I enjoyed working with, to take a job that offered more money and opportunity, and I KNEW within two weeks that it was a mistake. But I gritted my teeth and did the best job I could, which was essentially unappreciated by most people I worked with and eventually cost me my job because of a childish grudge from a staff member. Typically, someone who had done an excellent job and made huge improvements would be fought for in this situation. Still, I was terminated for an issue MANY people at this company participated in and had not been terminated. I am not saying that I did not make a mistake, because I most certainly did, but fairness and equal treatment is a big thing for me. I was singled out and made an example of when others were doing the same thing, which doesn’t sit well with me.
I have learned to make decisions that are good for my soul, not my wallet. Money cannot be the focus of your decision-making, nor can comfort. We cannot grow and change with a degree of discomfort. I would argue that discomfort is a requirement of change. I was uncomfortable being forced to look at my life and admit my mistakes. But I also understand this was a required part of my reawakening in the past five years. I had to be honest with myself and others and let the fallout happen with the knowledge that I would be a better person, man, friend, and brother at the end of it all.
There is nothing wrong with chasing shadows to give yourself a second wind, but eventually, you must get back out in the sun and learn how to survive in it. Surround yourself with those who support you, stand by you, and rid yourself of those who do not. Pruning the tree began in my life in 2018, and new growth is already being seen.
But even with clarity of thought and plan, there are always pitfalls, and being relentless once the decision is made to change is the key to success.
